Breaking Intergenerational Trauma Cycles Through the Holidays
The holidays can be a time of joy, togetherness, and warm memories—or they can be a minefield of emotional triggers, strained relationships, and reminders of intergenerational trauma. For LGBTQ+ folks, this can be even more complicated, especially if family gatherings involve navigating rejection, misunderstanding, or past harm. But the holidays also provide an opportunity to reclaim joy, set boundaries, and begin breaking cycles of intergenerational trauma.
What Is Intergenerational Trauma?
Intergenerational trauma refers to patterns of emotional, psychological, or behavioral pain passed down through families. It may stem from personal experiences, such as abuse or neglect, or larger systemic oppressions like racism, homophobia, and colonialism. These patterns often show up in how families communicate, handle conflict, or express love—especially during the high-stress holiday season.
Have you ever felt like you're "walking on eggshells" during family gatherings? Or noticed that certain arguments seem to repeat themselves year after year? These moments can be clues to unresolved trauma cycles.
Breaking the Cycle: Reflect and Reclaim
Breaking intergenerational trauma cycles begins with awareness. It requires us to pause and ask ourselves some hard questions:
What patterns do I see in my family dynamics that feel harmful or unhealthy?
How do I respond to stress or conflict within my family?
What values and traditions do I want to carry forward—and what do I want to leave behind?
For LGBTQ+ folks, the holidays can also be a time to reflect on chosen family. Are there people in your life who see and affirm you? How can you prioritize spending time with them during this season?
Setting Boundaries for Healing
Boundaries are key to breaking trauma cycles. During the holidays, this might mean:
Limiting time spent with family members who trigger old wounds or fail to respect your identity.
Communicating needs clearly. For example: "I’d appreciate it if we avoid discussing [specific topic] during dinner."
Allowing yourself to leave a situation if it becomes too overwhelming.
Remember, boundaries are not about punishing others—they’re about protecting your peace and creating space for healthier dynamics.
Creating New Traditions
Breaking cycles also involves building something new. Consider starting traditions that center joy, safety, and authenticity:
Host a holiday meal with your chosen family.
Volunteer with LGBTQ+ organizations to give back while building community.
Create a gratitude ritual that acknowledges personal growth and resilience.
Accessing Support
Sometimes, healing requires outside help. A trauma-informed therapist, especially one who is LGBTQ+ affirming, can help you process family dynamics and develop strategies for navigating difficult situations. Community groups can also provide spaces for connection and solidarity.
Joy Is Resistance
Breaking intergenerational trauma cycles is hard work, but it’s also deeply rewarding. When you set boundaries, create new traditions, or simply choose to prioritize your well-being, you’re not just healing yourself—you’re transforming what future holidays can look like for generations to come.
This season, give yourself the gift of reflection, boundaries, and joy. Ask yourself: What does a holiday free from old patterns look like for me? And how can I take one step closer to that vision?